How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the grains of sand;
when I awake, I am still with You.
Psalm 139: 17-18
From the time we are very young children, we are continually looking for approval. We desire to be valued. We want to be considered worthy. So we look to find a source of approval, a sense of worthiness.
It starts with children looking to their parents ~ “mommy, do you like my coloring? is it pretty?” And then it continues as we grow up and even after we’re supposed to be all grown up. We look for approval from friends and sometimes even strangers, from family, from teachers, from neighbors, from our jobs, even from the different roles we have in our lives. But none, absolutely none of these sources provide real value.
For many years I had the head knowledge of “knowing the Word.” but it wasn’t until I finally grabbed hold of the belief of the heart knowledge and actually began walking out in steps of faith did I come to realize that as I continued to allow these sources define me then I had become a slave to trying to keep up the appearances, the perceptions, the opinions. I had become trapped in the game of fluctuating feelings.
Opinions are subjective – they can change like the weather. Emotions are like a roller coaster – they go up, down, and all around. Sometimes even upside-down. Perceptions can fluctuate – depending on whose doing the looking. Appearances change – need I say more? If I try to get worth, my value from these sources, I am going to end up being anxious about everything, apprehensive at every turn, uncomfortable in every situation, unsettled in every corner of my life, confused about who I am and why I am here.
My true identity reflects its source. all I have to do is look to my Creator. And when I doubt my worthiness, my value, when I doubt my identity, I am reminded that I am infinitely valuable. The infinite mind of God thinks about me, yes, unworthy me.
The thoughts of God toward me are altogether innumerable, just like the grains of sand on the beach at our wedding ceremony. Nothing can surpass the number of grains of sand. If I were to even try counting God’s thoughts of love towards me, the task would never end. And you know, even if I could count the sands on the seashore, I still would not be able to number God’s thoughts about me, because they are ‘more in number than the grains of sand’!
Some days this truth seems distant. And some days the harsh realities of life have made this difficult to believe. But all I have to do is look in the mirror and know He created me in His image. He loves me. He accepts me as I am. His Word is Truth.
So no matter what my circumstances, no matter where I am, no matter what season I may be walking through I know God values me and I am worthy because of Him.